Do you see any edits for my poem On 201: heading south?
Maybe you should take Picassos advice. I feel that line is interesting, as is the metaphor of painting over to stand for editing a writing, but the stanza is a bit jarring with the rest of the poem, which I understand to be a meditation on a bus trip, with two people having a conversation in patches as the bus rolls along. Just my reaction. Seems to me like you could evolve more gradually from the theme of a bus trip to the theme of revising your poem (and maybe a side theme of having difficulty finding the right words?) Or maybe thats a separate poem, because it doesnt seem to fit with the surprise final line. Or at least you need to prepare the way more for that being the cause of your difficult with words? (both in writing your poem and talking to your true love), if that was your intent. Definitely a nice poem. The mood reminds me a bit of the Simon & Garfunkle song America.